I can and I will.

Its a cold February afternoon and i am disappointed in myself for thinking that it may be anything but cold.

Luckily for me today, I have nothing on my mental 'to do' list, so i am here typing away a thought that has been persistent on being translated into writing.

And yes, a mental 'to do' list because believe it or not, a physical 'to do' list on paper requires commitment.

I have so many things i want to accomplish in this short life but the problem is: Will i ever?

I want to become a writer, heck i have always wanted to write a novel for as long as i can remember. Pathetically, i have even written in my notes the type of novel i would write. I even went about confirming the title for this novel: "far from love" but then decided it was 'too' corny.

So i moved away from reading the typical female books and moved to reading crime novels which i am now in love with.
Literally.

Needless to say, i was partially proud of myself because i knew i wanted to do something (write a novel) and i did make an attempt to make that happen - how ever little it may seem.

Now what i want to say is that i know that there are so many people like me, who are so desperate for something, which to some extent may be unrealistic, or rather unachievable at this very moment in time. But who is to say that it cannot be possible at a later stage in your life? No one.

We are the agents of our own fate - we are the ones who decide and choose how we can make our dreams come to reality in this short life. I have said "short life" a couple of times and i want to emphasise that tomorrow is not guaranteed (sounds corny, i know).

But it is so true!!! You do not need to be religious to believe this, because how many lives have you seen taken away so quickly and suddenly?

Take control of your life and make an attempt no matter how small it is towards achieving the bigger picture. Whether it is writing a book in my case, or buying a home in your case, it is the small things that contribute to making a big difference.

Valentine's Day blues

All she wanted

All she wanted was his attention

The attention he gave everyone

       Everyone but her.

She didn't want anything materialistic from him

All she wanted was him

Every single part of him.

She loved happiness 

So all she strived for was his happiness 

She wanted to make him the happiest guy in the world.

She prayed for him

She cared about was his safety and well being

So at 2am, when her heart was flooded in worry 

she knelt                  

               down

 to her lord and prayed he would keep him safe

Safe for her.

He kept explaining to her

That it was those late nights at work

And the stress of studies

Which was distracting him.. Distracting him from her

She prayed for him again

This time, she prayed for God to ease all of his troubles.

The days went on.

And for her things got trickier

She had the pressure of studies to cope with

All she wanted was him to reassure her

Tell her that it will all be over soon

That one day this will all be worth it

And that one day they would be together, with their futures in their pockets.

But he didn't… 

And that was what had destroyed her

Instead he got even more busy

Her exhaustive attempts of contacting him were only futile

And just like that, he fell

      Off her radar 

She never heard from him again.

For her, she felt emptier than ever

All she wanted was happiness!

And he was her happiness

Her only chance of happiness

He was the sole lantern in her dark world

She prayed, and asked God to make things easy for her

And him too

She never abandoned him in her prayers.

But nothing happened

Confused as ever

She prayed again - this time asking God to give her a sign

"maybe he isn't the one"

She knelt 

              Down.

 In desperation for a sign

Desperate for THE sign

But nothing happened.

All she wanted was his attention

Just a few minutes of his time

Or a few hours

(Perhaps forever)

For him to confide in her

For him to tell her of all his troubles and the things that bothered him

But most importantly to tell her why he disappeared without saying goodbye

Like always, for her

Nothing happened.

***

All he wanted was a break

A break from work and studies

So he could talk to the girl his heart was so fond of

All he wanted was to tell her his problems

The things that ate him up and kept him awake at night

But also his plans for the future- the version which included her right by his side.

Unfortunately, like all

Time was against him.

He wanted to work hard

Spend those late nights at work

And concentrate on his studies

So he could provide for their future

In hopes of ensuring she was the happiest girl in the world.

Instead, he prayed

He asked God to help her understand

Understand why he had to leave abruptly 

All he wanted was for her to be happy and eased of any worries in the future.

But all she wanted was his attention.

***

Though this young girl and guy both believed they were connected by the soul 

Undeniably destined for each other 

And that one day their troubles would triumph in the near future 

Little did they both know

That God had different plans for them.

Pierre Choderlos de Laclos, Les Liaisons Dangereuses

“I shall possess this woman; I shall steal her from the husband who profanes her: I will even dare ravish her from the God whom she adores. What delight, to be in turns the object and the victor of her remorse! Far be it from me to destroy the prejudices which sway her mind! They will add to my happiness and my triumph. Let her believe in virtue, and sacrifice it to me; let the idea of falling terrify her, without preventing her fall; and may she, shaken by a thousand terrors, forget them, vanquish them only in my arms.” 

***

How powerful is this? You honestly cannot and will never know the intentions of some people. That is why have this thing called 'trust'. You have to trust yourself to trust someone else.

It is weird right? Sometimes hard, but you often find yourself trusting those who have already broken that trust between you and them.

 Its confusing too right? Too confusing i am not even going to attempt explaining away how to make trusting someone or even yourself in a simple way.